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Men think that computers should be referred to as female, just like ships, because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The language in which they communicate among themselves is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or File Name" is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, I'm certainly not going to tell you !"
4. Your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you spend half your paycheck on accessories for it.
6. Miss a period and they go wild.
7. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.

Women think computers are male because:

1. They have lots of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had only waited a bit longer, you could have had a better model.
4. To get their attention, you have to "turn them on".
5. A big "power-surge" will knock them out for the rest of the night!
6. It is always necessary to have a backup.
7. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
8. Size does matter.

THERE IS NO SUCH IMAGE

Hardware

"Anti-glare screens to prevent eye strain ??? In my day, you didn't need an anti-glare screen. With the power they consumed, when you turned your computer on, the whole building darkened !" Simon Travaglia (the B.O.F.H.)

"The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s^2."

"Help! My keyboard is stuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk"

"Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy." Geek pick-up line.

"586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC."

Software

"Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing." Dick Brandon.

"If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime."

"The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time... ...The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time." Tom Cargill.

"Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."

"If your computer speaks English, it was probably made in Japan." Alan J. Perlis.

Language

"Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

"How C++ is like teenage sex: 1. It is on everyone's mind all the time. 2. Everyone talks about it all the time. 3. Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it. 4. Almost no one is really doing it. 5. The few who are doing it are: A. Doing it poorly. B. Sure it will be better next time. C. Not practicing it safely."

"The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."

"C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success." Dennis M. Ritchie.

"#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))" Shakespeare

Bugs

"System Error: press F13 to continue..."

"Error, no keyboard press F1 to continue."

"Cannot delete tmp150---3.tmp: There is not enough free disk space. Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again."

"The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in."

"There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. And the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies." C.A.R. Hoare.